Those were the words I heard whispered under breath, when I first sauntered into the seedy bar on Front Street, Sarnia, Ontario.

Who spoke ‘em, you ask? None other than my first prey in my “10 Silly Things” interview series with that most elusive of animals: the Canadian Crime Writer.

 

This is a series inspired by my colleague from south of the border, the very talented writer, Rick R. Reed. Thanks Rick. You are a gem.

 

The whole idea behind stea…uh, borrowing…Rick’s idea, was to put a spotlight on some of Canada’s best word smiths. Specifically – the crime writers.  I wanted to give readers a chance to get to know them a little better. Find out things that might not show up in a typical interview.  Reveal a secret or two. Or perhaps just start a juicey rumour.

 

In this pursuit, I decided I would allow nothing to stand in my way!

I would track down these Canadian crime writers, crossing the globe if I had to. Through hail, snow, sleet (and that’s just during Canadian summertime). I would dodge bullets, bungee jump into their back yards, follow them on  family vacations. Just to bring you this must-know information.

 

I hope you enjoy.

 

My first victim, was Cheryl Kaye Tardif:

Yes, it was none other than Cheryl K. who spoke those immortal words: “Of all the gin joints in Sarnia, he walks into mine.”

I’d been pursuing Cheryl for quite some time, you see. The “official” word was that she was on a cross-Canada book tour. But rumour had it this author–who Booklist called “a big hit in Canada…a name to reckon with“–was also “touring” every lousy, local speakeasy she could find along the way, indulging in a top secret passion: singing in smokey taverns. Well, I planned to be right behind this fledgling songbird.

 

It wasn’t easy keeping up. I’d show up, and she’d already been and gone, leaving behind nothing more than a few last notes of an Anne Murray classic floating in the air.  But Sarnia is where my luck  changed. A handful of well-placed loonies greasing a few palms put me in the right place at the right time. I’d finally netted my warbling chanteuse!

Or so I thought.

As soon as she saw me, figured out what I was after, she stopped in mid-Tommy-Hunter-ballad and sicced her goons after me.

But as you can see:

Not long after, I finally cornered my Canadian Crime Writer against a brick wall in the rear of the place. There was no place for her to go. No help to be had. No promise of a Celine Dion serenade was going to save her. My Canadian Crime Writer was forced to tell me:  

 

10 Silly Things You Didn’t Know About Canadian Crime Writer Cheryl Kaye Tardif

 

1. If you could invite any famous person, dead or alive, for dinner, what
would you serve?

I’d invite Stephen King for dinner. And of course he’ll say yes!

He’ll arrive at my Black House, two blocks east of The Bone Church and not
too far from ‘Salem’s Lot and the Pet Sematary. In Desperation, I’ll serve
him The Devil’s Wine and get out the Firestarter. Then we’ll sit by the
Blaze of the fireplace eating assorted appetizers and other Needful Things.
Next, we’ll move onto some Children of the Corn on the cob and a salad The
Color of Evil; got the recipe from Kathy Bates (I’ll put away my hobbler
bat). Then we’ll bite into Cujo steaks until all that’s left of It is a Bag
of Bones.

Just After Sunset we’ll leave The Dark Tower, take a long walk in The Mist
and talk about writing until the Cycle of the Werewolf passes. When the
Night Shift is over, Stephen King–The Man in the Black Suit–will use the
Rest Stop before Riding the Bullet home. In Misery, I’ll watch him leave out
my Secret Window, then After Four Past Midnight, I’ll slip into Nightmares &
Dreamscapes and wait for my Dreamcatcher to gobble up Fear Itself, though I do suffer from Insomnia.

I’m the Survivor Type, so when he’s gone, I’ll just go back to writing Under
the Dome of Silence. The Shining of the sun will greet me and I’ll call my
friends on my Cell and say, “I just had Stephen King for dinner.” To which
they’ll reply with Chattery Teeth, “Christine (not sure why they call me
that), you must be doing the Danse Macabre.” And I smile in response.

 

2.    Who do you think you are?

 

Who do you think I think I am?
 

3.    What’s your problem?

 

That’s a bit personal, dontcha think? I mean, we hardly know each other.
Maybe that’s my problem.
 

4.    The Canadian crime writer. Myth or mystery?

 

The myth is that Canadians don’t know good mysteries from bad. I say
otherwise. Bigfoot sightings have been seen all over northern Canada. Now if
that ain’t a mystery I don’t know what is.

 

5.    If you could change one thing about any of your books, what would it
be?

 

I’d change my name to “Stephen King”.
 

6.    When no one is looking, what is your guilty pleasure?

 

Watching infomercials.
 

7.    If you could have one wish, who would you give it up to?

 

My daughter.
 

8.    When you wake up in the morning, what celebrity do you most resemble?

 

I think I look like Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but
according to my husband, I might be a bit off.

 

9.    What’s the most Canadian thing about you?

 

I’ve traveled from one coast to another, a few times, and I’ve been to every
province except Newfoundland…eh?
 

10.  Do you have anything you’d like to plug?

 

Well, when my husband complains about how cold it is outside, I sometimes
want to put a sock–oh, you mean “plug” as in shamelessly self-promote my
bestselling Canadian crime novels The River

 

and Divine Intervention?

No, I can’t think of anything to plug at this time, but if you check my website
http://www.cherylktardif.com or my blog http://www.cherylktardif.blogspot
com, you’ll learn about any upcoming plug news. And of course, folow me on
Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/cherylktardif so that when I do have
something to plug other than my bestselling Canadian crime novels you’ll
hear about it. Yeah, sorry…sure wish I could think of something to plug…

 

 

Next up: January 25, 2010 – 10 Silly Things You Didn’t Know About Canadian Crime Writer Vicki Delany – Is Vicki giving me the  cold  shoulder?